look no pants
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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