I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Randomize
