your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
