her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize