just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
