i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
