he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
