Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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