me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
