Heybabeimwearingurpanties
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize