he referred to my room as the tit cave...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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