In the future we'll all be gay
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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