ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
