trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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