Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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