Apparently you make a good broom.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
