I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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