I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize