her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
