Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
