I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize