oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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