the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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