Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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