Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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