I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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