When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
