The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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