He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
