Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
