I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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