People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
