dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
