Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
