My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
