i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
