Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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