Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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