i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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