3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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