bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
