Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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