i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
