I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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