yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
