butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
