Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Sorry about my life...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
