Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
