weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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