dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
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