I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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