I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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