i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
