You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
