saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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