sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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