Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
They left me at home... I'm a liability
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
