i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
