Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
