i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he was CRYING into my vagina
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
