my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
