oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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