I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
