We're like a lot better than the average bears
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
