Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My vagina is officially offended.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
