peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize