I think I am morally bankrupt
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
