I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
