Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
