wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
