I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
