a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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