We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
