i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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