i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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