He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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