yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
