It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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