Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
