i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
