I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize