You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
