I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
They have beer where we have blood.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
