Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
