He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
