How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
