If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
God I need to hump something, right now.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
