She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
