Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
