after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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