ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
