I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
