I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
